String of tales

2007-01-04T23:21:00.000+08:00

Apparently Bang (now known as Christian for good) claimed to have put in his blood for this, somehow i really liked the chic and prettyish decors plus the heartwarming message along with it. It hangs now in my room to complete the Bohemian look which i've just added.. =)
thank you for this Xmas gift!

2006-12-14T12:50:00.000+08:00

OI. stop molesting me.

oh..so you want a cuddle huh..
okay cuppy, let's pose for the Camera.

Dated 29th Nov.

thank you for taking the lovely pictures Elijah. and the picture programming, in courtesy of Picasa.

post prom

2006-12-14T11:37:00.000+08:00

Miss Mc.steamy and Mr Mc.thicklips

one pitstop.
and another.
a little less sixteen candles, a little more touch me.

This entry should supposedly be posted some time early after the 29th of nov, which happens to be both prom(glitz and glamour) and my 2nd monthsary. Yes, prom should most probably be one of the highlights in your life to remember, one night when you totally feel sexy about yourself basking in high-class ambience. But i shall think i'll talk abt it another day..and pen down in ink and paper twin about the special part of the day.

I didnt get to witness the crowning part of prom king and queen at the end cos i had to send Van. clare off to meet her boyfriend at the lobby of Ritz Carlton. As we were waiting for her guy to arrive in his cab, many tpjcians already came up to the lobby with intentions of painting the town red for post prom. I then realised i'd left my clutch at my seat back at the dining area so i didnt have my phone with me. Using Van's phone to contact Bang, he already collected my clutch beforehand and was making his way up to the lobby to meet me. Maybe i didn't tell him, but at the point i was so touched by his action cos he was the first guy that seems to always make things go smoothly. (little bonus added, winkz)

We then waited at the Cab Stand outside the lobby thinking the next mercedes cab would be ours, we were literally cheering, acting smug in front of the school people until this stupid yellow cab crossed its path and stopped right in front of us, totally embarrasing. No choice, we had to take it to his loft where he said he'd smth for me. When we reached his apartment, little cuppy came bundling up and he looked adorable that night, maybe cos i felt good so she looked good too or smth. Bang then took some pictures of me and cuppy together. i'll post them later..

Then..after showering, i had to be isolated in the room with the Feburary song by Josh Groban playing again and again while he prepared the surprise out there. The game started..turned out to be a treasure hunt, which ultimately determines how much i know about his habits and interests around the house. There were many candles to light up every pit stop and the whole thing processed in a dream-like mode, with little cuppy following around, keeping quiet and behaving for the very first time. It was rather difficult cos the whole house was very dark but i passd the test! The last pit stop required a key to his heart, and the key was hooked to the collar of cuppy (though she kinda broke the surprise in the first place) and i found my presents on the bed. He got us rad black rings from couple lab and the book i've always wanted, 'for one more day' by Mitch Albom, and i remembered giving him a black beanie.. And then..umm..i kinda forgot what happened, like seriously. i'll ask him again. all in all, i aced the test =) and.. i'm truly, completely and eternally touched by the little efforts put in to make post prom count. Thank you Elijah.

on death and dying

2006-12-05T11:53:00.000+08:00

This entry, is dedicated with love and heartfelt condolences to the little boy on the dinosaur and his Grandmama.

Reading about how one faces death and dying in all 3 books by Mitch Albom does provide a certain escapism from death, just like how religion does. We read about how one gains new insights, followed by a new way of life and how they are constantly renewed each and everyday.
But when it comes to applying it, to live it well during times of adversity and loss, it can be so seemingly hard. I may not know or feel that much as i'm talking about it, because it hasn't happened to me, but i have seen it in the eyes of others and heard it in their voices, relating to knowing how to be with a family in pain, it's never easy. i know it isn't for him, staying by the bedside of someone of dear into the wee hours, watching your family cry and not knowing what to do yourself. Then when it happens, you're stuck in that transition period whereby you're afraid to move on to the next stage because it happened too fast.
Being a by-stander, i feel too insignificant to say anything that helps or alleviate the situation, i guess i can only be all ears to listen to what u have to say, and help u look back one day to see how strong u made urself to be. For your grandmama, i pray she finds solace and that she still lives on in u, and in everyone else who loved her.

here's smth that i tot was meaningful.

Death.
What a great teacher you are.
Yet few of us elect to learn from you,
about life.
That is the essence of death's teaching,
life.
Death is not an elective,
one day we all will take the class.
The wise students audit the class in early years
And find enlightenment.
They are then prepared when graduation day comes.

quote of e day: you dun get to choose how u're going to die. Or when. but you could decide how you're going to live now.

2006-11-24T11:14:00.000+08:00

Sometimes we just gotta realise lessons the hard way, with this 'big bang' blowing you out or else we'll just take the same route over and over again. If not, It'll probably repeat itself for the next few periods of your life and you end up hurting people you sincerely care about and kinda end up hurting the most out of it, then your life gets screwed.

In the midst of the painful process, u learn to live for yourself and anyone whom you consider part of yourself while putting off your self conciousness. After a little tearing, a little sniffing and a little punch on feeling like the world's complete idiot, it goes like, "hmmm, maybe it isn't that bad afterall." In a moment's weakness you gain your strength, in a little pain you've found your gain. okay, i lied. Maybe the pain wasn't little and it still stings after you've just woke up to a new day, but it'll heal itself somehow as you think about how your pain has led you to take off the mask that we've all put up. Actually no, it's love that replaces the mask we all think we cant do without, for it you risk it all,put aside our pride, our dignity and conciousness--sacrificial love.

then when u're in the person's arms, the crying and hurting back then seems so insignificant, maybe cos you believe that he'll probably hold you in his arms for the rest of your life.

greatest story ever told

2006-11-11T18:01:00.000+08:00

In life, i've been told many stories.
You could say they were good ones.
They were meant to shape me into a better person, believing that something inside of me would be much more superior as compared to circumstances.

After the crucial period of taking A level papers, i guess i can finally write my own story and pass the magic on. Though i know i kinda screwed up a paper or two, i could never go that far without God(i'm sorry i doubted u), my parents(thank you for saying its enough that i do my best) and the little boy on the dinosaur, who lights me up in his arms where i can find the courage to stand again.

This stanza is from a song by oliver james in the movie 'what a girl wants'. it is the greatest story ever told and u are in it. =)

And if i lived a thousand years you know
I never could explain
The way I lost my heart to you that day
But if destiny decided I should look the other way
Then the world would never know
The greatest story ever told
And did I tell you that I love you just how much I really need you
Did I tell you that I love you tonight

ps; it's actually written for a girl so i cant include the other stanzas inside. makes u gayish

2006-09-25T18:16:00.000+08:00

I dreamt about this one in the afternoon and it evoked the insides of me so much that i have to dot it down with ink and paper twin.
The saddest thing is I'll prolly never get to write with cadence and acuity in the next 20 minutes allocated because I got to get back to some serious studying.
Here goes.

They could be called the happiest couple around despite being together only for the shortest time as compared to all the friends around them. She used to indulge in his vulnerable boyish aura, laugh at his toes as they laid on deck chairs by the pool. He was quiet most of the time, but from the corners of his smile you could sense hidden surprises waiting to pounce on the girl. He loved her to the extent of bursting out with joy to the whole world. Joy, it was, coincidentally the smell of the perfume she always wore in her thick hair.

The summer holidays came, they took a chance to go on a boat trip to an amazing island,
well-known for its beautiful silvery beaches and natural limestone for rock climbing activites. It wasn't like any of the beaches that little kids played around building sandcastles. With magnificent wine-bars, storeys of wooden deckchairs facing out to sea, the best roller-coasters ride ever and prolly all the best-looking teens worldwide hanging around, you could call it a Youth haven.
They spent time playing volley and tanning in the day with their cliques but met up every evening to spend time late into the night. Crimson lights hung beautifully in each storey of deckchairs where they would take in the sound of the waves with an occasional sip of sparkling juice.
The night before they had to leave, he meant to propose to her by the beach, with fairy lights ahead witnessed by all their friends. Everyone crossed fingers that it would work out, the planning and all. The girls would keep her away from the beach for a while when the guys started to set up props like white candles, arrange for their song by the wine-bar and deal with fuzzy rose petals.

Then it was it.The girls brought her for the roller-coaster rides but somehow in the crowd the bunch got separated. She was left with a friend who was anxious about relocating the rest of the group. Waving it away, she pulled her friend childishly to the most dangerously-looking ride she'd always wanted to take. As she sat in her seat, heart thumping and limps tingling, she thought of how she would tell him her brave attempt on this one.

He did not get around to hearing what she had to say.
She was gone, in that second when she was limp to his touch, oblivious to his cries.

He stared at the sea, slouching on the deckchair they always sat. The sea stared back. Faraway was that lighthouse that reminded him of her, how she had been this beacon of light in his darkness moments. It was then he smelled it.

Joy. It was faint but fairly distinguishable. He glaced up.

She came, with that smile specially reserved for him. He could not feel her touch when she sat beside him and placed her arms around his shoulders. "Remember how I'd always tell you to stand up straight beside me?" she playfully asked. He was slightly on the shorter side however he knew she didn't mind.

''But now you don't have to stand up that straight anymore..hah!'' she laughed, hitting him straight at the chest. He was slightly amused at the fact that she was still laughing before he felt a stab in his heart as she continued.''Just promise me you'll stand strong after I'm gone. It's important to me you know.'' That voice sounded like it was far away despite her being so close to him.

His throat felt so dry, he didnt know where to start or the way to end it best. But he knew he had to let her go. He wanted her to be happy in the next place she went to.

She knew.

He knew she knew.

She knew he knew she knew.

At that point, a gentle breeze playfully toyed his hair. He witnessed this flashback of her stroking his hair as he laid lazily on her lap until he smelled it.Her Joy scent was so strong that he felt tears welling up in his eyes. She was ready to leave.''Love you.'' she sang out as she stood up to leave. Like always, It was always her habit to leave out the letter ' I ' in front.

He did love her. That was why he let her go.

Time-in-a-bottle

2006-09-24T15:35:00.000+08:00

chasing cars and streetlamps

2006-09-24T15:09:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna jot all these down before i procrastinate till the very last min and there wont be time anymore in lieu of the hectic study schedule ahead. Time waits for no man.

It's all about him, nothing else in this piece cos in the earlier part of the day i aint doing anything.

Ytd was a trip to somebody's memoirs. It's called memoirs of a Wimp. Apparently Bang knew he was the MAIN character of the story trail so he tried to put in effort to dress up in his stripped T-shirt and brown leather belt from TOPMAN with jeans and adidas bb shoes. He looked good but I guess he was in a rush so he forgot his armpit spray and he ended up passing down external costs to the poor little thing beside him, that was me.
okay okay, i exaggerated.

We went to his kiddy sch centre with animal posters, at that second i understood. Bang often rubs his rolly-polly tummy and goes " hah!", u dun have to be smart to classify that straight to the chimp category. I kinda learnt more abt his childhood, like his primary sch routines and all, sitting on stairs wif some pok hair surrounded by towers of 'wang wangs' till it's dinner time and all. Everything was going well until we reached the lift, when my baby toe nail collided into the concrete front of his shoe and it hurt so badly. i didnt show it that much cos all rockclimbers are supposedly rugged until he pointed out that it was bleeding. I kinda went a bit ballistic and now he calls me the mad girlfriend. like eww~.
I forgot what happened after that, we were just walking and talking and taking picture perfect smiles, all i could remember was him going on and on, trying to smile at him as the streetlamps ahead flow past swiftly until the occasional barking of Dogs jerk you up from the dream-like mode.

All in all, We chased cars, befriended dogs from those private houses, rang people's doorbells, visited parks, sat on swings, bought snapple with a "who cares" cap of facts, read beauty secrets from the seventeen magazine, laid atop some kiddy's web wishing upon 2 pathetic stars after counting to 60 and sniggered at this weird indian couple trying to make-out. The sweetest thing Bang did was to clean the toliet seat at Mac's before i went in(but i didnt use the seat in the end) and cook pasta with lots of sausages. I felt that the end of the day we were more comfy with each other about our past and i feel like 1/4 of him now. Like i wld do things unknowingly like a chimp until i realised at the end of the day. sheesh!The story trail itself, however simple, was fufilling. It's solitute not with moments of loneliness or sadness but this inner peace and serenity within. It made me cherished the whole thing more cos i realised solitude's a luxury in this fast-paced world. He kinda made this relationship the most special with his quiet moments and vulnerable boyish aura unlike the previous ones with no comfort in all that noise.

That night my girl hormones started acting up about the coming week i felt i couldnt handle, i felt clueless and so distant from God. He then reminded me of smth i said to him before, "People always get too cooped up in getting signs from above not knowing that they look but not see, hear but not listen." Funny how u say things to help others and not apply it to urself.
Thank you for showing me the whole story trail, and making urself strong to move on with beautiful moments from the past, after all, ignited moments never lose their flames.

The start of something new

2006-09-23T10:33:00.000+08:00

i guess one of the natural highs somebody can give you, is the chance to start afresh. In the light of a new culture, new beliefs and ideals that you can finally get to call your own, you feel like you've just emerged out of the tunnel of ur past that you've been struggling to get through. And now you face a new world with new persepctives and with a new someone at the opening greeting you with arms wide open, and somehow u know it's all gonna work out. I'm willing to jump off another cliff because i would fall to fly, if i failed, i failed. At least i've tried and taken a chance at it.

but somehow, i'll give it my all to make it different cos out of my 1000 failed attempts, i'm 1000 steps closer to that finishing line. And all these are possible beacuse that special someone has constantly been there to hold my hand through the blasty nights. Bang, thank you so much for everything, as my partner and very best friend, for doing this blog to get me out of my 'getting over it' and all. i'll write soon, cos i gtg for my 'get-to-know-him' sessions. It's called saturdays with the wimp. i cld write a book about that. yeah yeah.

Love takes off the mask that we fear we cannot live without, and know we cannot live within. [James Baldwin]